First, an update on the sourdough adventure.
My starter is alive and kickin’ and I love it! The only place I think I’ve ever had sourdough before is at Panera, and honestly I didn’t like it. So I was a little skeptical when I started this adventure. Now I can honestly say that I would give my left foot for some fresh, homemade sourdough bread. IT IS AMAZING! today I think I’m going to try making sourdough bagels, but I’ve been telling my husband that for the past week, so we’ll see if it actually happens.
Second, before you read on, I want you to go read this blog post: http://lovingmylot.com/2013/08/23/mom-vs-mom-the-war-i-didnt-see-coming/
So good, huh? I want to take her thoughts a step further. I don’t think that this is just a “mom war,” it’s a “woman war.” We are constantly comparing ourselves to each other. I’m pretty sure I’m way worse than the writer of that post, because I can feel my pride bubbling up when I’m sharing different experiences with other women and trying to bore the message into their heads, “Don’t you wish you did that, too?” I have such a huge struggle with pride! And in this war-zone it’s all because of insecurity. I want to share what I’ve done with someone, because I don’t really feel like I’ve measured up in these other ways. So if I can make someone else feel like they wish they were more like me, then the playing field is a bit more even.
Makes me want to puke.
There shouldn’t even be a playing field in my mind. I wish I could express the turmoil in my brain as I think through this. I know the truth. I know there’s no competition. I know that there is absolutely nothing that I could say or do that would make God love me any more. I don’t deserve his gift and I can’t win it, he gives it freely, but yet daily I still try to somehow measure up.
I know that this isn’t just a women thing. Ty struggles a lot with wanting us to be proud of him, to feel like he’s enough and there’s always a little voice whispering to him that he’ll never be enough. He’ll never be a good man, husband, or father. I can tell him the truth constantly, but I can’t seem to get it to stick into my own head.
Please pray for me. Please pray for those you meet in life. It’s such a battle, and even if it’s not obvious what’s going on outwardly, it’s there. Pray that we can truly accept and relish in God’s gift. He is more than enough, so we can stop trying so hard and rest.