Tomorrow is my birthday. Hip hip hurrah!
It’s quite strange to think about. When I was younger I honestly never thought that I would make it this far in life. 26 seemed so old! I thought for sure that Jesus was going to come back before I reached this age. And now here I am. A few hours away from 26. A week and a half away from having a wee one. I’ve been married for a year and a half and the main entertainment we enjoy every day is watching an episode of Andy Griffith at lunch time (Yes, I’m going to be 26, not 76. But I still love me some Fife).
Life is so full of little surprises that you can’t even begin to imagine them when you’re a little kid. And I know that there’s no way that I can predict right now what my life will be like in another 26 years. What will Flint be like when he’s 26? It’s all so fantastical to think about. My hope and prayer is that he follows after Christ with his whole heart, but that’s a decision he will have to make for himself, not something that I can force on him. I only hope that through my and Ty’s life that Flint can see our passion and understand why we have chosen to follow this path. Why we cling to God as our father and sustenance.
He’s going to make his own mistakes and have to learn the hard way sometimes, of course I don’t want that as his mama, but isn’t that life? I wouldn’t trade my crappy choices for anything, because of how I’ve grown and learned from them. I wouldn’t change the horrible things that have been done to me by others, because they have shaped my character. It would be easy to hold tight to bitterness and be cynical about people and Christians and the world, but where would that get me? So I hope to show Flint that just because bad stuff happens in life, doesn’t mean that you have to hold on to it.
Let it go and move on. I know that is easier said than done, especially when you’re in the middle of a crisis, and I can’t say anything that really makes it sound any better. I hate it when I’m in the midst of a storm and someone’s “encouraging” words really just make me want to punch them in the face. But it’s in times of peace, like right now for me, that you have to rally yourself. Stay on guard, knowing that hard times will come. Be prepared to grit your teeth through it, to cry a lot, but to know too that God is in control.
If you’re in the midst of something right now, just stop. Turn off the worry about tomorrow and breathe. Stop replaying that scene over and over in your head and take a deep breath. You may need to wrap your arms around yourself because you feel like you’re going to fall apart otherwise, but while your rocking yourself to sleep tonight, gasp in the air. Focus on that one task, and maybe…just maybe…you’ll be able to make it through tonight and into tomorrow. As Anne of Green Gables would say, “Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.”
There may be a lot of pain waiting for you in the morning, but you can do this. Not on your own, but with the strength and comfort of our holy father. My prayer for you tonight is that the Holy Spirit will comfort you and will bring someone into your life who has been exactly where you are now.
It may seem impossible, but just keep breathing.