what’s my job?

You’d think that after 8 months of not working a “real job” that I’d have this stay-at-home-mom thing totally under my belt with no problems at all. Who would ever want to look back, right?

Since Flint is such an easygoing kid, most days are a breeze and I forget that this is my “job” and have a blast giggling all day long with my precious one.  But every once and a while I feel a little bit lost. After working full-time for five or six years it’s hard for me to not have structure.  Don’t ask me what day of the week it is, ’cause I most likely don’t know.  Mondays feel like Fridays and I don’t have a calendar where I keep track of every little “to do” list.  My days are filled instead with messy eating, “babababas”, and tickles. Who keeps track of time when they get to do that all day?

I honestly love staying at home!  I wouldn’t dream of it any other way, but there are times I let myself believe the lies whispered in my ear.  When Ty is worried about money, I think that if I had a job he wouldn’t be worried. Or he jokes about how if I eat his chips, then I owe him 69 cents, but I don’t have a job so I can’t pay him.  Or when I want to pick up and move somewhere else, but it’s all contingent on Ty’s job, so we can’t go, since I don’t really have any say in it.

Notice how these all revolve around my precious husband?  Whenever I let him know that I’m feeling one of these things he is immediately repentant (not as if he did anything wrong in the first place), telling me that he values and appreciates me and that I do the biggest job of all, running our home. It is a big job. Laundry is my boss and it never cuts me any slack! Personally, I believe that the reason these insecurities all revolve around my husband is because our relationship is the glue of our home. If Satan can attack our marriage and get me to resent Ty for these silly little things, then the glue slowly starts to unstick.  This life then becomes about me and what I want and “need,” not about what is best for our family.

Although submission is such a scary word in our time, I think that’s it’s worth mentioning.  When I submit to Ty and to what he decides is best for our family, it’s not that I have no voice in the matter.  On the contrary, he doesn’t buy chapstick without calling me and asking if that’s ok. That may sound extreme, he’s not too timid to spend a buck without my permission, it’s just the agreement that we came to when we first got married.  We want completely open communication with each other.  After our relationship with God, our marriage is the most important thing…even more important than our kids.  So whenever we’re thinking through something, even if it’s running to Wal*Mart to get something, we run it buy each other.  We’re partners in this life and without open communication and complete honesty that partnership would start to break.  It’d be easy to become too reliant on our own selves, instead of on each other.  So when I submit to him, it’s not me bowing my head and saying, “Yes, Dear. Whatever you say, Dear.”  It’s me backing him up and saying, “Yes, Sweetheart, that’s an awesome choice. I’m so proud of you for taking leadership in that area.”  It’s easy for women to take control, that’s part of the curse in Genesis 3, so I think it’s important that we humble ourselves and encourage our husbands to step up.  I realize that this is a very sensitive issue and it makes women bristle at the mention of it.  But no matter what your stance is, hopefully you can agree that you are not alone in your marriage.  You have a partner in this life and to make things work well you need to work together constantly!

It’s so hard for me to humble myself and to think that God knows best.  And even harder sometimes to relinquish control and let Ty lead us.  Not because I think the choices he makes are not the best, but because I want the credit.  I want to be recognized as the one who makes the decisions…the funny thing is, though, that Ty doesn’t get that credit either. Because like I said before, we’re partners in this life together.  But my pride blinds me most of the time.  I want to see only the bad and unfair, when there’s really only beauty and greatness.

I pray that you have unity with your spouse.  That you truly are one, and not just in bed.  Marriage is so much more than that.  Can’t you see it’s purpose?  And when you’re like me and want control or recognition in some way I hope that you can step back and see the big picture.  I don’t like to because I know that I’ll be humbled, and I honestly prefer to stay in my “ba-humbug,” self-righteous mood.  But that’s my prayer, too.  That god will give me the desire to change. To really want the best for my family, not just what makes me feel good at the time.

I tell you what, it’s rough…but such a good journey.

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